The Bad, The Awful and The Worst

I got this from a friend today, one of those silly things getting around online.

***

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives,
socialists, Marxists, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of
this latest election process has made me realize that I want a
divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake
of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its
course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot, and will not,
ever agree on what is right, so let's just end it on friendly terms.
We can smile, chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our
own way...

Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass
each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure
our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that it should
be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly
divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate
tastes.

We don't like re-distributive taxes so you can keep them. You are
welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and
war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military.
You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell (You are,
however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to
move all three of them)...

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical
companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved
homeless, homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot
Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's, and rednecks.

We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood . You can
make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to
invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the
peaceniks, and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are
under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam,
Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can also have the
U.N. But we will no longer be paying the bill. We'll keep the SUVs,
pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars.

You can give everyone healthcare, if you can find any practicing
doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a
right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National
Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to
Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics, and you can give trickle
up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep
our history, our name, and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so please pass it along to other like
minded liberal and conservative patriots, and if you do not agree,
just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you
ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 10 years.

Sincerely,

John J. Wall. Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand and Jane Fonda.