It's getting near Christmas, so as usual,
I start getting junk from toys 'r us and others.
I got one today and opened it up for a moment before I put it in the recycling bin.
Now I am a complete internet freak, I find TV very yesterday, and apart from a small handful of shows, I don't watch it at all because it just doesn't have enough kick in it to create the "Wow" one needs to say "Yeah I'm definately going to watch that".
So I miss the advertising, and by "miss" I mean that I don't see it, and I'm not aware of many of the new shows available.
Anyway, back to the catalogue....
I was flicking through it and then I saw it, British Television has done it again, they've created yet another show about weird, psychedelic alien-things for pre-schoolers.
I don't remember the name of the show.
But I was thinking about this, it can't be too hard to create such a show... in five minutes worth of thinking, I came up with this:
The Dipsy Wobbles [Wobble is a nice kid friendly word]
So, You have these brightly coloured creatures living in a village, in a forest, called "Dipsy"and the family is called "The Wobbles" so naturally you have to name them like so. Bibble Wobble, Dobble Wobble, Pobble Wobble and Chuck who's either the freaky alien pet, the dog, the gay or transvestite one.
Now all the Wobbles have headphones, which connect to a main computer which knows everything about everything ever.
So at points during the show, you'd have Bibble bring up something confusing like "existentialism" For example, because you know, these characters are always confused about simple, everyday things.
So Pobble will say "Ohhh I wonder what existentialism is" so they'll tap on their headphones and recite the poem to get in touch with the computer who knows everything about everything, and when they make contact, Pobble will ask the computer, "What's existentialism".
But the computer won't know because he only knows things about apples and jellybeans and unicorns and so he'll cleverly divert the discussion away from "exis..ten..ism" and towards something simple, like... Bananas.
"Ohhh" Wobble will exclaim [which is a really big thing for a pre-school character to do] "I have a banana"
"Where is it?" Pobble will ask.
"Down my trousers" replies Wobble, "Would you like to see it?"
"Oh yes please" [we must use our manners] says Pobble, excitedly.
So Wobble takes it out and shows... er.... Her?....
"Oh it's a huge one" She says, looking amazed and slightly lustful.
[we must have some controversy to incite the parent groups]
At this point Chuck runs in and swallows it whole.
Leading to a lot of frowning, hands on hips, shouting, crying, falling over and all that.
I'll market this to the BBC and have the toys out by next Christmas, by then I'll be a very rich Wolfie indeed.